It's looking up...

It’s not long before I’m back online.  With my last date not ending well (he literally ran away), my confidence was at an all time low.  I will not be beaten!  I decide to stop being so picky and be more open to new experiences.  I receive an email from Eric:

Email from: Eric

Date: April 25 2013 - 19:49

Subject: Hi

Hi Sam
how are you doing ?
I just moved to the UK 6 months ago for work,
I live and work in WOKING.
Among other things I do, I'm also a racing driver
if you like to see more videos and pictures of you are invite to visit
my racing web site:
http://www.....
I would like to talk to you and meet you, and get to know you
feel free to e-mail me
bye
Eric.

Okay, I’ll stop being picky from the next one.

Email from: ceres

Date: April 25 2013 - 20:25

Subject: Re: ...

Hey how are u how is yr wkend been?yes i donot promot myself so good maybe  i need a manager todo that :)) what do you do for a living and where abouts are you living at the moment?

That one didn’t count.  The next one.

Email from: smb

Date: April 25 2013 - 23:40

Subject: ID'd for posh wine?

Quite right too, if you've been living in a car. Posh wine is only for those who understand and frankly your Starbucks comment only goes to show.... :-)

My boarding school did far more damage to me (and I was a day scholar!), oh and yes I'm interested but I like my surface, leave it alone...

Okay.  We’re on.  He’s clearly read my profile rather than just looked at my picture.  Good start.  He’s mentioned my favourite subject, Starbucks, albeit in a derogatory manner but it still counts.  I find the alpha male put down strangely appealing.  I type a response.

Email sent to: smb

Date: April 26 2013 - 00:27

Subject: Re: ID'd for posh wine?

I think I'm a bit scared of you.  Suspect you are hilariously funny but seriously misunderstood.

Email from: smb

Date: April 26 2013 – 00:34

Subject: Re: Re: ID'd for posh wine?

It's always a fine line between fear and fun - that's why roller coasters are so popular, or is that a bad analogy for relationships....? :-)

I promise I'm surprisingly normal really but more than a little sarcastic! Anyway what do you get up with your free time when your not replying to strange men on match and tell us a funny story about your passed.

Adam

So readers, under normal circumstances the typos would have finished the conversation but I’ve stopped being picky remember?  Most of my humour is based on sarcasm so we have something in common even if we don’t share a love of correct grammar.

Email sent to: smb

Date: April 27 2013 - 22:48

Subject: Re: Re: Re: ID'd for posh wine?

Are you naked in your profile picture?

I am at work all the time.  A couple of weeks ago I decided to stop working late and get a hobby.  Turns out I'm not a hobby person, so I've basically just started watching loads of TV.  I am particularly into vampires at the moment (me and every teenage girl in the northern hemisphere it seems).

If your name is Adam what's smb?

I used to work in an Irish pub and can draw pretty much whatever you like in the top of a Guinness.  Seriously, I have skills.  On St Patrick's day I got fed up with drawing shamrocks so thought I would write my name.  I did the S too big, so decided to just do my initials.  Unfortunately my initials are SM (see user name).  Clearly I didn't think it through before handing over the pint.

So basically have spent my whole life picking up strange men.

Sam

A fond memory of my past (not passed).  On my first night working behind the bar in the Irish pub, I was trying really hard to impress.  I made someone a vodka and orange and put one of those baby Britvic bottled orange juices next to the glass on the bar.  The customer was wearing a khaki hooded parka as was the fashion in the 90’s.  He turned round and the Britvic toppled into his hood.  I was torn.  I decided not to mention it as I wanted my first night to finish with no issues.  The poor man.  I can imagine him putting his hood up on the way home and being doused in fruit juice.  I digress.

Email from: smb

Date: April 27 2013 – 22:51

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: ID'd for posh wine?

I'm wearing shorts but yes it does rather look like I'm naked. Prob not a smart move on my part but I don't have any photos of myself online (it really wasn't something I thought of as a weakness till I started this) so I took a quick snap on my phone - might explain, some of the stranger emails I've received.

Vampires, interesting....... oh and smb well and this is a bit geeky but I'm from Sunderland origionally and as such we're known as Mackams so smb stands for... this is dull, I'm boring myself - google it if you like.

I pleased to say I've never worked behind the bar --- A very long time ago and with a very different body shape I used to work on the door and all the cleaning you guys had to do afterwards just put me off for life. After that I decided that I should prob change direction in life so I got a real job. Hours are a constant bain but I try to balance it - although I don't watch much tv sorry.

Your profile says South London - roughly - where do you live? Ok I give up, I'm clearly being thick but what is wrong with writing  Sm in a pint? I've been trying to work it out since I started the email...

Adam

Email sent to: smb

Date: April 27 2013 - 22:56

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: ID'd for posh wine?

Why don't you ask your mates what S&M means.

I live in Putney.  Sunderland?  I went to Newcastle uni so I think we should hate each other shouldn't we?  Or is that Middlesbrough?  I forget.

 

Email from: smb

Date: April 28 2013 - 04:01

Subject:

I left "hate" behind a long time ago and my best mate is a Geordie. It's his Birthday today - hence my late night. I grew up in Whitley Bay -  for the record I live in K'ton.

So suppose we forget "hate", how about we just go out instead?.....

Adam

Smooth.  Result.  I was clearly playing it too cool by not responding straight away as I receive a follow up...

Email from: smb

Date: April 29 2013 - 01:29

Subject: Re:

So far I have met a blazing alcoholic, a lady who was very strange with a beard - hold on - before you call me shallow, she was strange first and bearded second?? my third date was pretty cool and I made a new "London friend" which is in itself "cool". I suggest we meet for coffee or something in the middle of the day and laugh at the ridiculousness of internet dating because I don't want to (again) have to part with large amounts of cash to :- first, satisfy your thirst for vodka, or secondly bribe a taxi driver to take you home... mmm internet dating...

Email sent to: smb

Date: April 29 2013 - 19:09

Subject: Re: Re:

Funny.

Coffee in Richmond okay?  It'll have to be a weekend as I can't leave my office during the day.  Spring it on me so I don't have all week to dread it (no offence).

I promise I'll shave first.

To be continued...