So this happened.
Back in March I must have matched with a guy called David. He sent me a text via Tinder that just read “Hi”. I have no memory of this. It was sent at 1am, I may have been on a night out and not noticed it. Or I may have looked at his profile again and not been interested.
So this morning I get this message “U r so rude- why like me and not respond to my message?”. I have a WhatsApp conversation group with 4 friends who are also on Tinder. Whenever we have a date or come across an awful profile we send a screen grab to the group. It’s very amusing. It also makes me like more people so that I have good fodder to share with the group. I suspect this one is going to be worthy of the group, so I reply with “Wow. Psycho much?”. Here is the actual conversation that follows:
Him: That’s better
Him: Where u from
Me: London. I feel like I should congratulate you for your correct use of apostrophe.
Him: Thanks what’s my reward
Me: 2 in a row. Nice
Him: What u up to
Him: I’m in bed recovering
Me: Is that Flemish for hangover?
Him: Yeah lol
Him: How long u had this app for
Me: Erm. Beginning of the year.
Him: What do u think
Him: Do u have any other social apps
Me: It’s hilarious
Me: Do you have an issue with the word ‘you’?
Him: Yes u?
Me: No y?
Him: Do you have an issue with the word uea
Me: Only the way you spell it!
Him: Do u have skype and whatsapp?
Him: Cool- fancy a chat on there instead ?
Me: What’s the difference? Other than sending photos.
Him: Can send pics and video call
Me: I suspect I won’t want to see the kind of photos you want to send.
Him: Haha and whys that
Me: You were doing so well with the apostrophes. Never mind.
Him: Oh bugger lol
Him: This app is so slow
Him: Fancy a chat on Skype?
Me: I really don’t
Him: Why not?
Him: U r rude
Me: Maybe. But you have provided 10 minutes of entertainment for my friends. Have a good one.
Him: Do they want to see a small penis
Me: Ha ha ha ha.
Him: Message me on whatsapp
What would you have done? I decided to take one for the team and WhatsApped him:
Me: Purely for my entertainment...
Him: What would u like lol
Me: Surprise me.
Him: R u with ur friends x
Then the photo that followed was of no surprise to anyone.
Him: Surprise lol
Me: Well you were right about one thing...
Him: Which is?
Me: Small penis
Him: Yeah very
Him: Did ur friends laugh too lol
Him: The camera angle wasn’t the best
Me: Is that the problem here?
Him: That and it really is small lol
Him: Who r u with at the moment?
And then an even more graphic picture comes through...
Me: Is Tinder just modern day flashing?
Him: Appears that way lol
Him: Have u flashed anyone
Me: Not on social media.
Him: Haha what about for real
Me: I suspect everyone has. In a fun way, not flasher mac down the playground.
Him: R u alone at the moment or with friends
Me: Does it make a difference?
Him: Yeah – like to know who’s seeing my pics lol
Me: Say hi to B, C and P.
Him: Hi girls
Him: Take a selfie x
Me: B wants to know if you get off on sending naked pics to strangers.
Him: Yeah I do
Him: It’s fun
Him: But only if they enjoy receiving
Him: Do u girls enjoy receiving
Him: Do you have Skype
Me: David, it’s been fun. Have a great day.