So this happened...

So this happened. 

Back in March I must have matched with a guy called David.  He sent me a text via Tinder that just read “Hi”.  I have no memory of this.  It was sent at 1am, I may have been on a night out and not noticed it.  Or I may have looked at his profile again and not been interested.

So this morning I get this message “U r so rude- why like me and not respond to my message?”.  I have a WhatsApp conversation group with 4 friends who are also on Tinder.  Whenever we have a date or come across an awful profile we send a screen grab to the group.  It’s very amusing.  It also makes me like more people so that I have good fodder to share with the group.  I suspect this one is going to be worthy of the group, so I reply with “Wow.  Psycho much?”.  Here is the actual conversation that follows:

Him: That’s better

Him: Where u from

Me: London.  I feel like I should congratulate you for your correct use of apostrophe.

Him: Thanks what’s my reward

Me: 2 in a row.  Nice

Him: What u up to

Him: I’m in bed recovering

Me: Recovering?

Him: Hungober

Me: Is that Flemish for hangover?

Him: Yeah lol

Him: How long u had this app for

Me: Erm.  Beginning of the year.

Him: What do u think

Him: Do u have any other social apps

Me: It’s hilarious

Him: Haha

Me: Do you have an issue with the word ‘you’?

Him: Yes u?

Me: No y?

Him: Do you have an issue with the word uea

Him: Ues

Him: Yes

Him: Lol

Me: Only the way you spell it!

Him: Haha

Him: Do u have skype and whatsapp?

Me: Yes

Him: Cool- fancy a chat on there instead ?

Me: What’s the difference? Other than sending photos.

Him: Can send pics and video call

Me: I suspect I won’t want to see the kind of photos you want to send.

Him: Haha and whys that

Me: You were doing so well with the apostrophes.  Never mind.

Him: Oh bugger lol

Him: This app is so slow

Him: Fancy a chat on Skype?

Me: I really don’t

Him: Why not?

Him: U r rude

Me: Maybe.  But you have provided 10 minutes of entertainment for my friends.  Have a good one.

Him: Do they want to see a small penis

Me: Ha ha ha ha.

Him: Message me on whatsapp

What would you have done?  I decided to take one for the team and WhatsApped him:

Me: Purely for my entertainment...

Him: What would u like lol

Him: ?

Me: Surprise me.

Him: R u with ur friends x

Then the photo that followed was of no surprise to anyone. 

Him: Surprise lol

Me: Well you were right about one thing...

Him: Which is?

Me: Small penis

Him: Yeah very

Him: Did ur friends laugh too lol

Him: The camera angle wasn’t the best

Me: Is that the problem here?

Him: Yep

Him: That and it really is small lol

Him: Who r u with at the moment?

And then an even more graphic picture comes through...

Me: Is Tinder just modern day flashing?

Him: Appears that way lol

Him: Have u flashed anyone

Me: Not on social media.

Him: Haha what about for real

Me: I suspect everyone has.  In a fun way, not flasher mac down the playground.

Him: R u alone at the moment or with friends

Me: Does it make a difference?

Him: Yeah – like to know who’s seeing my pics lol

Me: Say hi to B, C and P.

Him: Hi girls

Him: Take a selfie x

Me: B wants to know if you get off on sending naked pics to strangers.

Him: Yeah I do

Him: It’s fun

Him: But only if they enjoy receiving

Him: Do u girls enjoy receiving

Him: Do you have Skype

Me: David, it’s been fun.  Have a great day.

Seriously??